returning home

Originally posted 03/15/2023.

How do I become more feminine? — a question that reveals so much in such few words. A question I used to ask, and that I often see other women ask as well. The question reveals just how little we have been taught when it comes to the feminine, and as sad as that reality is, the beautiful opposite of that reality is that a re-awakening has been happening for a while now, and I believe you can feel it too. When I first entered this new world of feminine restoration and devotion I felt overwhelmed, mostly by the fact that I felt nothing but feminine in the state I was in back then. I used to read about the gentle and soft woman and felt deeply discouraged as it didn’t resonate much at all. I felt hardened, explosive, and easily irritated. A ticking time bomb ready to explode at any moment. Where to even start? How do I become this soft and gentle feminine woman? Should I wear pink and long, flowy dresses? Perhaps I need to stop being so angry and frustrated and simply act soft and gentle, faking a smile to the outside world?

The truth is; femininity is not an act, a look, or an achievement. It is not improving, chasing, striving, or doing. It is simply being, the un-doing of so much — the unraveling of years of pain and confusion, the feeling of a whole spectrum of emotions. It is the very essence within us, an essence that is ready to flourish the moment we allow feelings to be released rather than suppressed.

It starts with allowing ourselves to feel. All the pain we cary within can not be brushed aside in a desperate attempt to look and act more feminine, because the feminine is not a costume. Deep inside a little girl is waiting for our attention, and she is us. She might have been hurt along the way, perhaps abandoned and rejected in her big expressions — whether sad or happy. She has the answers. She knows how to play, feel, get curious, and be excited over the small things in life. She also knows pain, and she wants to be held for a while so she can finally release it. Re-connecting to our feminine essence is putting our guards down, daring to be vulnerable, and feeling everything we have pushed away in fear. Welcoming back that little girl within, allowing her to heal as we re-parent her by giving her what she needed — what we now need,. Cracking open our heart to finally feel it all.

As women we are so deeply capable of feeling the whole range of emotions, but somewhere along our childhood and life we were made to think that some of our emotions were too much. Unacceptable, un-welcomed… and we accepted the story as truth. It is for us to welcome them back, to accept them with no shame, and to re-write the story that our emotions are too much. They are never too much, they are beautiful, and they have to be felt. The feminine is not only soft and nurturing, she is also chaos and death. One can not flourish without the other.